and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
