New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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