i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
