Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Farmville is her only friend.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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