walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
