Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
