i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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