Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You took a bar mat shot.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
