Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
