If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
