I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
