I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
