I cockslap morals
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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