Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
