i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
