tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
