it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i will never coherently bang her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
