I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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