i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
