He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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