There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
