Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
