He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
