dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
