it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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