On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
