I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize