she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
