i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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