So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize