People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
