Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize