I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
