i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
