I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
