I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I currently don't understand fingers.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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