I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
