just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
