never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
