i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
