no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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