He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
