if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
