He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
