His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
