No stitches, just platelets and will power
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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