6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
