Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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