He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
