No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
