Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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