Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
