I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
