it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
