So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize