yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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