i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
