She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
