look no pants
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just blew my weed a kiss
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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