If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
