"it" just moved
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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