I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
