I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
