I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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