Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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