How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
