Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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