The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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