I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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