She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
