I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
