you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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