YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
