When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
